try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives. Ass Grapes - badly thrombosed or strangulated haemorrhoids Taint Spot - Perineum: "It ain't this and it ain't that" BBCS - Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet FTD (Fixing To Die) or CTD (Circling The Drain) Scumdex - 1 pt for every tattoo, extra piercing, IVDU scar, etc. Slow Code (to China) - elderly very ill patient who wants everything done so they will not die. UDI - Unidentified Drinking Injury TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy TRO - Time ran out Lipstick Sign - if a female patient is well enough to put on, she is well enough to be discharged Adminisphere - where hospital managers work, reckoned to be "another planet" When his abdomen is pressed Coffin Dodger - survived against expectations, or a very old person DSB - Drug-Seeking Behaviour (faking illness to fuel narcotic addiction) However it is being preserved in the medical labs and staff tea rooms where patients do not go! Please Optimize Medical Treatment - don't call us until you've done your job first Paint - Betadine (medication) DILLIGAF - Do I Look Like I Give A F*ck ROBO – run over by owner DQ - Drama Queen Champagne tap - bloodless lumbar tap Cath Jockey - cardiologist that catheterizes every patient they see (or one that does cardiac catherizations) Ghost - Derogatory term for med students; they are largely invisible, are absent during difficult situations, silent when asked for volunteers and stealthily evade hard work White Lizard - the white coloured "cocktail" given for stomach problems (Black Lizard is similar "cocktail" but contains activated charcoal) Dandruff on wheels - scabies or other transmissible flaky skin condition GLM - Good Looking Mum Very Close Veins - varicose veins Code Surfer - medic straddling the patient on trolly (gurney) performing chest compressions while patient is being transported Trick cyclists - psychiatrists Roasted Goober - tumour after intensive cobalt treatment. Rudy Baga - Patient with terminal brain injury, persistent vegetative state (rutabaga is a vegetable). Radio-I-suppose-otope - imaging agent used in Unclear Medicine (Nuclear Medicine) CROACC - Cannot Rule Out Anything, Correlate Clinically If a patient claims their pain is 12, subtract 2 points and start It is OPS + AF = (4 +1 +1 +2) = 7 TTJ – transfer to Jesus Permanent room - as in "He's here so often we should just give him his own room" DOTS- dead on the spot (of an accident), also FDOTS (F*cking Dead On The Spot) ALFI(e) - (Australia) Adelaide's Largest F*cking Idiot he claims it is tender (-1), but he hadn't noticed due to the migraine QID - Queen in distress (hissy fit), Rabbit - over-talkative (from slang "Rabbit & Pork - talk) Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead times in the past year claiming other painful ailments e.g. DKA - Don't/Doesn't Know Anything (but is explained to relatives as Diabetic Ketoacidosis if challenged) Take A Sneak Peak At The Movies Coming Out This Week (8/12) “Look for the helpers” – Celebrities helping out amid Texas storm MVA Special With Gravy (aka MVA Full Meal Deal) - MVA Special plus face, n=1 trial - polite term for experimenting on a patient Cheerioma - a patient with a highly aggressive, malignant tumour lordy, lordy, Jesus help me, lordy, lordy" William - (UK) chiropedist i.e. Positive Suitcase Sign - patients who are repeated admissions for MICO - Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation NFN - Normal for Norfolk (rural area, suggests inbreeding or quaint rural oddness), might explain FLK LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient) Young guy/gal goes to A&E for the 7th time in the past year for migraine Post-Weekend Fatigue Syndrome - an ailment which presents at GP surgeries on Monday mornings Two Dudes - a patient who was in a fight "Two dudes jumped me for no reason" (implying the patient would have one against one assailant) Plano Pafúncio - (Brazil) alleged preferential treatment of relatives of hospital employees. Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping Meat hooks - surgical instruments. Even without Story Credibility of 0.5 and Exam Credibility of 1 that's a Pop Drop - granny dumping (dumping elderly relative at Casualty dept) Zorro belly - (Brazil) patient who has had multiple abdominal surgeries. medication PPA - Practicing Professional Alcoholic Cut and Paste - To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and immediately sew him up (or almost immediately - sometimes young surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while). UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter The Garden - neurological ICU where the vegetables (coma patients) live ATS - Acute Thespian Syndrome: faking illness; known in US as MGM syndrome PD - Pencil D**k. General US insult. Limping guy/gal is taken to A&E by spouse, but reports "fuss about Aunt Minnie Lesion - once seen, never forgotten, much like certain aunts at the family wedding OBE - Open Both Ends (known in UK as DNV - Diarrhoea and Vomiting) Killing Fields - that ward in every hospital where patients go to die Percussive maintenance - the sharp tap/bang which cures faulty equipment TOBP - Tired of Being Pregnant (especially patient demanding caesarian) Short-Order Chefs - mortuary workers. SIG - (certain US regions) self-inflicted gerbil (anecdotal) BSBF buy small bags of food (almost dead) Horrendoma- an awful unknown disease LOLFDGB - Little Old Lady, Fall Down, Go Boom OCWTL - Overcome With The Lord (Tachylordia) Father Jack - (the drunken old priest in Father Ted), confused and elderly patient who constantly shouts and tries to get out of bed long time sitting on toilet with drink and reading matter) Buff Up - to ready a patient for release Discharged downstairs - transferred to the morgue Synonyms for check include examine, study, investigate, test, inspect, monitor, probe, research, scrutinise and scrutinize. Blue Bloater - obese person in respiratory arrest HIBGIA - Had it before, got it again Found in the phrase "squirrels get sick too" to remind staff that even eccentric patients may have a real medical problem Positive Gobbler - turkey i.e. Toaster - defibrillator Bash Cash: the money paid for completing accident (insurance) claim forms in A&E SODDI - Some Other Doctor Did It (when one medic's botched jobs must be put right/answered for by someone else) Shit and Get - to access a trauma patient, say to yourself "Oh Shit! joked they go to hospital with their own pillows ready for admission CHAOS - Chronic Hurts All Over Syndrome (PTSD/Fibromyalgia, etc.) DPS - Dumb Parent Syndrome Estropício - (Brazil) poor, unkempt obstetric patient ("jeopardy"). Bungee jumper - a patient who pulls on his catheter tube Celestial discharge - died doctor having a look-see Whilst writing information in full will always be preferred as the best way to avoid ambiguity, it is accepted that they are commonly used in medical communications. 3H enema - Enema that is "high, hot, and a hell of a lot." Albatross - chronically ill patient who will remain with a doctor until one or other of them expire Incidentaloma - a usually benign mass (needing removal) found on a scan while looking for something else entirely Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5) Infernal Medicine - Internal Medicine department Insurance Pain - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump TTJ (Transfer to Jesus), Nastioma/Cheerioma (aggressive tumour). ERCP - Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient, an emergency procedure before the consultant rounds Caveman - Derogatory term for Orthopaedic surgeons “so easy a caveman could do it”.
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